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Tell Me About It: Think carefully before moving for romance

By Carolyn Hax, Washington Post

Think carefully before moving for romance

Iím contemplating a long-distance relationship with a guy I met at an event through an organization weíre both part of. Weíve been texting nonstop for a few months and have had a couple of in-person dates. Iím waiting to decide until after we see each other during a weeklong event weíre both going to for this organization.

The issue is we live about eight hours apart by car, and both like where we live. Iíve done long-distance before and know that the end result is either we break up or someone moves. Iíve never made final decisions about where to live and what to do based on who I was dating.

But now this guy seems worth at least contemplating it. Do you have any advice for helping me either make that decision, or to go one step at a time without jumping to conclusions just because at some point that conclusion will have to be made? Weíre both late 20s, if that helps.


A: Itís such a personal thing. One personís happiness could be hugely dependent on location while another could already be open to a move just to shake things up and so why not? Plus thereís the obvious X factor of how good you two are for each other. Maybe you really, really fit, and maybe youíre just enjoying a pleasant time with someone .?.?. pleasant.

If you pursue this, itís not just that you will eventually face the who-moves-for-whom decision; you will also have to make that enormous decision without ever having lived in the same geographic area ó meaning your relationship up to that point will have consisted of a series of vacations.

That will deny you essential information on day-to-day (-to-day-to-day) life together that you just canít get from visits. So, one of you will be uprooting everything based solely on a whole lot of what-ifs ó and knowing only one person but needing connections of your own outside that to maintain some healthy independence.

You really have to be game for it to pull it off, so thatís what Iíd be asking myself if I were in your spot right now.