David Lee Roth, who turns 52 years old today, and Van Halen rock Cleveland tonight. So just how will Diamond Dave celebrate his big day? Here's a possible schedule:

11:30 a.m. -- Wakes up in Motel 6 in Akron. Discovers this is NOT the hotel he's supposed to be staying in. (Just force of habit, I guess.)

12 noon -- Hearty lunch of Asian lettuce wraps from Chili's.

12:30 p.m. -- Tries to get senior discount to Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame museum. Forced to show ID and pay $20.

12:31 to 1:15 p.m. -- Visit Van Halen's exhibit at the Hall. Cries when watching tape of band's induction last year, featuring only Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony.

1:30 to 3 p.m. -- Soundcheck at Quicken Loans Arena in downtown Cleveland. Unsuccessfully tries to talk Wolfgang into playing "California Girls" at tonight's show.

3 to 4 p.m. -- Breaks for "General Hospital." Today's episode: Jerry shares some disturbing news with Emily. No appearance by Dr. Noah Drake. (So much for that birthday wish.)

4 p.m. -- Exercise period. Roller-skates alongside the river front. Disguises himself as Bret Michaels so people will ignore him.

5 p.m. -- Begins three-hour session with makeup staff. Fake chest hair re-applied. Physical therapist lovingly massages his "strained groin" muscle.

9 p.m. -- Van Halen hits the stage. Band's birthday surprise for Dave: a ballad version of "Just a Gigolo," featuring Eddie on keyboards and Alex on bongos.

11:30 p.m. -- Reads "Stuck in the 80s" blog. Immediately cancels our lunch for tomorrow. ("Come on, Dave, gimme a break!")

[AP photo]