Whoopi Goldberg (aside from having a name that would make for a great Major League relief pitcher) once had a thriving and eclectic film career back in our beloved 80s.

Why she chose to throw it all away and become a regular on the morning lobotomy-fest known as The View is beyond me. (I liken the show to watching footage of your own colonoscopy: Nothing good can come from it, and in the end you realize you've been watching the inside of your own a-- for an hour.)

Whoopi turns 52 years old today, and might I suggest she take the occasion to review her golden days of acting and consider a career change.

I'm not going to force things and say she had 5 great movies in the 80s. She had two -- The Color Purple and Jumpin' Jack Flash -- and then several dogs, including Homer and Eddie, Clara's Heart and Burglar.

But she's the queen of the great one-liners in her movies.

TOP 5 LINES FROM WHOOPI'S 80s MOVIES:

5. "You ruined my life, my 'do, AND my Manilow tapes!" (Burglar)

4. "If you don't leave me alone, I'm gonna snatch this bad-boy off your head and ram it up your ole chocolate whiz-way." (Jumpin' Jack Flash)

3. "Until you do right by me everything you think about is gonna crumble!" (The Color Purple)

2. "Mick, Mick, Mick! Speak English!" (Jumpin' Jack Flash)

1. "I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!" (The Color Purple)