Sadly, there's no pretty way to package the silver screen portfolio of Bernadette Peters, who turns 60 years old today. She was nearly box office poison in the '80s. The "Steven Seagal" of her era. The female equivalent of Steve Guttenberg. (Wait ... why are all the phonies named Steve? I'm not sure I like this trend.)

Before we unleash today's Top 5 list, let's add this one important concession: On Broadway, where she shows off her singing and dancing, Peters is a goddess. And I'd crawl through broken glass to see her perform in person.

But for those of us who don't live within an hour of Manhattan, we're forced to consider these infamous appearances.

TOP 5 FORGETTABLE '80s MOVIES WITH BERNADETTE PETERS:

5. ANNIE (1982): I know it's considered a classic, but sit through 5 minutes of it and you'll no longer be upset by the phrase "beaten like a red-headed step-child."

4. PINK CADILLAC (1989): This is one movie even co-star Clint Eastwood would surely disavow. Adding to the aggravation, I can't even say "Pink Cadillac" without singing that hideous Bruce Springsteen song in my head.

3. PENNIES FROM HEAVEN (1981): A period musical -- in the wrong period. At least she got to star with boyfriend Steve Martin.

2. TULIPS (1981): Here are the words every actress dreads hearing: "Meet your co-star, Gabe Kaplan!"

1. HEARTBEEPS (1981): Among the top 10 worst movies of the decade. "It's all right, Rover. These friendly robots are obviously not mischievous trespassers."