I remember the first time I ever heard of Motley Crue. It was the early '80s, and my high school in nearby Clearwater, Fla., was holding its twice-a-year lip-sync show, which was a big deal back in those days -- concert lighting, huge amplifiers, fake smoke, the works.

I'm sitting right down in front of the stage when the faux Crue is announced. Out come these gorgeous girls with their hair teased up and their bodies wrapped tightly in spandex. I immediately recognized them from the stoner-mallrat clique, but they never looked this good!

The sold-out crowd of probably 1,000 hormone-infused teens jump to their feet for the chest-shaking, hip-grinding, burlesque club performance of "Shout at the Devil." When it's done, I lean over to my friend and say with a straight face, "Wow, I think Motley Crue is a hotter girl-group than the Go-Go's!" He readily agreed.

Imagine the shock and horror -- well, the embarrassment -- the next day when I purchased the latest Crue album only to discover they weren't actually females. I've never forgiven Vince, Tommy, Nikki and Mick for that gender-bending splinter in my young psyche.

So imagine the cold sweat when I discovered that Motley Crue has just announced they're hitting the road again for a mega-tour. This time they're doing it right -- far less spandex, I hope, and the shows start right here in Florida in July. For those of us in Tampa Bay not mentally incapacitated by high school lip sync shenanigans, there's a show at the Ford Amphitheatre on July 3. Click here for a full list of dates.