Why are our '80s heroes wincing? They just got the sort of news we all dread to hear: "Red Dawn" is being remade. Seriously.

The definitive movie of the vastly under-appreciated Cold War/teenage guerrilla genre that made stars out of Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Grey, Lea Thompson and even Patrick Swayze is all set to be revised.

"The tone is going to be very intense, very much keeping in mind the post-9/11 world that we're in," screenwriter Carl Ellsworth told the Hollywood Reporter. "As 'Red Dawn' scared the heck out of people in 1984, we feel that the world is kind of already filled with a lot of paranoia and unease, so why not scare the hell out of people again?"

Of course it scared the heck out of Ellsworth -- he was only 11 years old at the time. Those of us a full, ummm, five years older just enjoyed the subtle nuance and complex political implications of the original think-piece. That, and all the "Wolverine!" screaming.

Dan Bradley, who had production roles in "The Bourne Ultimatum," "Spider-Man 3" and the upcoming James Bond flick "Quantum of Solace," will direct the remake. No actors have been associated with the project yet.

The buzz around the project so far is pretty negative -- here's some from Cinematical.com -- and I'm no exception. Sequels to 80s classics are one thing -- (Go Ferris!) -- but remaking them? In the immortal words of Col. Tanner, "Shoot straight for once, you Army pukes."