Dearest Ione,

I can't believe it's been a year since my last birthday letter to you. And don't worry -- I don't take that nasty "warning" from your lawyer personally. (I'll never "cease and desist" my love for you!)

I just watched your epic (i.e. "naked") performance over the weekend in "The Rachel Papers," the 1989 gem that first made me fall in love with you. Oh, I know everyone else prefers you in "Say Anything," but I still can't picture you with John Cusack without getting incredibly jealous. For some reason, Dexter Fletcher doesn't intimidate me as much.

It seems like forever since I've seen you on the big screen. That's why I'm so happy to hear you just completed production on "My Father's Will," co-starring Britleigh Keiffer and Victor Alfieri. Finally, I can stop watching your all-too-brief appearances in "Fever Pitch" and "Arrested Development!"

I hope you have a great time celebrating your 37th birthday today. I hope you enjoy the "Stuck in the 80s" thong that I included. -- Love, Spearsy.

(PS - Hope you don't mind that I wrote on the back with magic marker, "If you can read this, then get the hell away from my lust object, Cusack!")

TOP 5 LINES FROM 'SAY ANYTHING' THAT I WANT TO HEAR FROM IONE SKYE:

5. "Nobody thinks it will work, do they?"

4. "We shared the most intimate thing two people can share."

3. "I just left home... I need you."

2. "Everything else means nothing to me. If I hurt you again, I'll die."

1. "I love you... please. I love you."