Here's what is really depressing. It's not that Simon Le Bon turned 50 years old this week.

No, what's really depressing is that even though he's the probably the least-sought-after babe magnet in Duran Duran, even though his looks have faded far faster than his bandmates, and even though our beloved New Romantic band just put out the worst album of its career, any red-blooded English-speaking male would crawl through a mile of broken glass to trade lives with good ole Simon Le Bon.

(Come here, Simon, and finish editing this podcast and attend my 10:30 news meeting. I'd like to go sing Ordinary World in front of 100,000 screaming females in Brazil.)

TOP 5 FAVORITE SIMON LE BON PERFORMANCES:

5. FALLING DOWN: "Could I find someone out there to help me?" [Video]

4. MY ANTARCTICA: "We make love to make our heat. And we throb in my Antarctica." [Video]

3. HOLD BACK THE RAIN: "The clouds all scatter and we ride the outside lane." [Listen]

2. PLANET EARTH: "You'll see I'm right some other time." [Video]

1. THE CHAUFFEUR: "And the droning engine throbs in time with your beating heart." [Video]

[Times photo]