Don't give me that "Oh, everyone grows up and out of the '80s" because if Stuck in the '80s proves anything, it's that the exact opposite is true.

We'll always have Can't Buy Me Love, I suppose. And Loverboy. And we'll always forgive him for Meatballs III. (Did you know Dempsey played the role of Mike Damone in the TV version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Classic.)

Why the Dempsey rant? I just finished watching his latest big screen flick, 2008's Made of Honor. Dreadfully predictable. Right down to the ending and the line: "You're the perfect guy. Just not the perfect guy for me." Oh my. Someone give me a paying job writing scripts in Hollywood. I promise a 20 percent decline in cliches in my first month on the job.

I'm hoping Dempsey is better (and not just "sooo cute") in TV's Grey's Anatomy. But I won't watch that show. Or any medical show. Hospital and cop shows: I've had enough of them to last a lifetime. And even the smell of a hospital makes me want to hurl.

I'm hoping someone finally gives Patrick some good big-screen roles again. I'm wearing out my VHS copies of all his '80s classics -- even that little underappreciated flick in 1985, Heaven Help Us.

Forget helping us, heaven. Just help Patrick Dempsey find some better scripts.

TOP 5 FILM ROLES OF PATRICK DEMPSEY:

5. COUPE DE VILLE (1990): "In the third verse he says 'She's got a wang-on.' I move it above."

4. HAPPY TOGETHER (1989): "Fun? What's that?"

3. WITH HONORS (1994): " My &%$# is cleaner than your bum."

2. LOVERBOY (1989): "I had a Letter to Penthouse staring me right in the face, and I let it go."

1. CAN'T BUY ME LOVE (1987): "Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bulls---. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself."