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Wow, David Lee Roth looks 44. Acts 24. But is actually 54 ... as of today. And it would be so much easier to write the story of his life and career without him complicating things by returning to Van Halen in 2007 and making us all fall in love with him all over again.

Damn you, Dave. I so really wanted to write you off after Just a Gigolo and California Girls, two sorry campish covers that stick out in my mind almost more than all the brilliant stuff you did with Eddie and Alex beforehand.

After famously leaving Van Halen in 1985, Roth made some good coin as a solo artist before trying acting, writing, radio deejaying and even working as a paramedic. Safe to say the world just felt like a better place when we saw him standing in front of a microphone again on Aug. 13, 2007, with his old bandmates.

Happy birthday, DLR. Don't ever do that to us again.

TOP 5 HIGHEST-CHARTING SOLO SONGS BY DAVID LEE ROTH:

5. STAND UP (1988): [Horrible live video]

4. YANKEE ROSE (1986): [Official video]

3. JUST A GIGOLO (1985): [Very irritating video still]

2. JUST LIKE PARADISE (1988): [Such a ripoff of every good VH video]

1. CALIFORNIA GIRLS (1985): [Watch it and weep]

[AP photo]