The Christmas morning tradition of opening up big gift boxes full of roller skates, parachute pants and Atari games has long since been retired. But if you want to have a totally tubular holiday, all you need do it turn on the television.

And this Christmas, you actually have an interesting choice of two movie marathons: TBS's 24 straight hours of A Christmas Story (beginning Christmas Eve). Or 12 straight hours of Dirty Dancing on the TV Guide Network, starting at noon Dec. 25.

Dirty Dancing for Christmas? Somewhere, in the great beyond, even the late Patrick Swayze is shaking his head in wonderment. And while it's nice to have a choice between two '80s classics, I'm not sure how Dirty Dancing's abortion storyline and will play in front of the family that afternoon. 

My suggestion: Set the kids up in front of one TV turned to TBS and let them discover the joys of Ralphie. Let the moms gather in another room to get all teary for Johnny Castle and Baby. Men, follow me to the den. I have Scrooged and Christmas Vacation on DVD.