Ozzy Osbourne is the new health columnist for the Sunday Times in London. (I'll give you a moment to digest that. Like with a bat's head, it's best to swallow quickly.)

“When The Sunday Times Magazine asked me to be its new health-advice columnist — Dr Ozzy, as I’ll be known from now on — I thought they were taking the piss, to be honest with you," Ozzy said, according to a piece in Monsters & Critics. ”But then I thought about it for a while, and it makes perfect sense: I’ve seen literally thousands of doctors over my lifetime ... to the point where I sometimes think I know more about being a doctor than doctors do."

Dr. Ozzy will answer reader questions in his weekly column.

“If people can learn from my stupid mistakes without having to repeat any of them, or if they can take some comfort from the crazy things my family has been through over the years, or if just hearing me talk about colonoscopies makes them less embarrassed about getting tested for colon cancer, that’s more than enough for me," he said.

TOP 5 HIGHEST CHARTING OZZY SINGLES IN THE '80s:

5. BARK AT THE MOON (1983): Watch video

4. CRAZY TRAIN (1980): Watch video

3. MR. CROWLEY (1980): Watch video

2. SHOT IN THE DARK (1986): Watch video

1. FLYING HIGH AGAIN (1981): Watch video

[AP photo]