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30 years ago this week: Robert Urich's ballsy 'The Ice Pirates'

17

March

You had to pretty gutsy to produce a tongue-in-cheek Star Wars byproduct in the early '80s. That's one reason so many '80s fans remember 1984's The Ice Pirates, which turns 30 years old this week. The other reason people remember it? Ummm, the castration scene.

See, it turns out that in the distant future, water is scarce. So scarce in fact that H2O basically is the de facto form of currency. An evil empire -- no Darths -- rules the galaxy and those who go up against the authority and lose are sentenced to become slaves. Slaves with no balls! So the little Jaws-type machine that chops them off really sticks in your brain. Anyway, safe to say that our heroes escape from the chopper.

Speaking of heroes, Robert Ulrich is the leader of the "ice pirates," who pursue a legend that somewhere in the universe is a planet composed almost entirely of water. Sorta liks Earth, you say? The film was directed by Stewart Raffill, who also co-wrote the script with Krull author Stanford Sherman.

Critics savaged the film, which holds an 11 percent fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Still, it was a modest box office success, making almost $15 million on a $9 million budget.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM ICE PIRATES:

5. "Even their robots are insolent."

4. "It says here that the water planet has so much moisture on its surface that it continuously creates cycles of clouds and falling rain."

3. "What is it? ... Space herpe."

2. "I hope no one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober."

1. "Whatever happened to 'we rape, we pillage'?"

[Last modified: Monday, March 17, 2014 10:43am]

    

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