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30 years later, there's still no good time to watch 'Invasion U.S.A.'

29

September

If Fox News could have financed a movie in the '80s, it would have probably been 1985's Invasion U.S.A. Released on Sept. 27, 1985 and dripping with fear-mongering and Cold War cliches, it invaded box offices 30 years ago this week.

Written by and starring Chuck Norris, Invasion U.S.A. follows a group of communist Latin American guerrillas who stage an invasion of Florida that's financed through drug deals and the Soviets. The only thing missing is a murderous boxer named Ivan Drago and a training montage featuring Survivor.

But don't worry, when it comes to beating back the scourge of the world, America always turns to Chuck Norris, who plays a former CIA agent who comes out of retirement for one final mission: Save the U.S.A. And heavy on the punches and ammunition, please.

Invasion U.S.A. was made by Cannon Films, the B-film studio also known for adrenalin-flicks The Delta Force and the Death Wish sequels along with campy classics such as Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. (Oddly enough, they're also responsible for The Last American Virgin. Hard to imagine.)

Critics weren't really amused by the picture. The great Roger Ebert gave Invasion U.S.A. 1 1/2 stars, writing: "You'd think maybe Chuck Norris would want to follow up his great action movie Code of Silence with another winner, but you'd be wrong. Invasion U.S.A. is a brain-damaged, idiotic thriller, not even bad enough to be laughable."

Invasion U.S.A. also retains a sickly 23 percent fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

If there's one thing that sounds out from the movie 30 years later, it's the incredibly pedestrian writing (sorry, Chuck), particularly when it comes to Norris' infatuation with killing people "on time." On that note, it's time (gag!) for today's top 5 list.

TOP 5 MEMORABLE QUOTES FROM INVASION U.S.A.:

5. "If you come back in, I'll hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left."

4. "18 hours from now, America will be a different place."

3. "Now it's your turn. One night you'll close your eyes, and when they open I'll be there. It'll be time to die."

2. "If you live through this, tell Rostov it's time to die."

1. "It's time."

[Last modified: Tuesday, September 29, 2015 8:32am]

    

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