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8 totally '80s splurges to celebrate Powerball windfall

13

January

I don’t expect one of my five tickets to win tonight’s $1.5 billion Powerball drawing, but if one does, here’s how I’d spend the loot.

First, according to The Daily Beast, figure on the actual amount being close to $600 million after taxes. No problem. I have simple tastes. And every single one of them is based on the ‘80s.

1. BUY CAMERON’S HOUSE: Cameron Frye’s “house” from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is actually in Highland Park, Ill. And yes, it was sold a couple years back for a thrifty $1.06 million. But I figure the owners probably will take a cool $3 million for it today. I’ll even cover the closing costs. What would I put in the garage? A Ferrari GT California. It is my life. It is my love. It is your fault you didn’t win the lottery instead of me.

2. REUNITE JOURNEY … ALMOST: All those Steve Perry fans out there, you’re about to get your wish. I will reunite Steve, Ross, Jonathan and Steve Smith for one night only. What about guitarist Neal Schon? He can buy a ticket and watch from the cheap seats. I figure we place in the concert at the Giants stadium in San Francisco. Set list to be determined by Mr. Perry himself. (Please, though, no Who’s Cryin’ Now.)

3. REFURBISH THE ORIGINAL GHOSTBUSTERS CAR:
Rumor has it the original transportation of the Ghostbusters is in sad shape now. Let’s see what a little Powerball cash can do to help.

4. START A STUCK IN THE ‘80s CHANNEL ON TV AND SATELLITE RADIO: Oh, ‘80s on 8 is totally like tripendicular, you know. And if the original Tron movie shows one more time on HBO this week, the Feds will accuse me of hacking the cable network. But in a very rare moment of self promotion, I think I can make a case for Stuck in the ‘80s to get headliner treatment on both mediums. Plus, I’ll need someone to pay my health insurance in the post-lottery world.

5. BUILD A BASEBALL DIAMOND IN MY CORNFIELD: I don’t have a cornfield. But I’m assuming I can go the distance and buy one. And then maybe I’ll just hire Kevin Costner to do the heavy lifting. To ease his pain, I’ll spring for a bottle of Advil. Maybe James Earl Jones can throw out the first pitch.

6. HIRE VAN HALEN TO PLAY MY BIRTHDAY PARTY: Well, Spicoli was onto something there in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. But I want the original lineup. Wolfie will have to take a seat for this show.

7. HAVE EXTRA SPRINGBOARDS INSTALLED AT POOL: I’ll need those correctly perform the Triple Lindy. Someone has to pull Grand Lakes University’s diving team out of their losing streak.

8. BECOME A U-BOAT COMMANDER: Drive my Porsche into Lake Michigan, fall in love with Rebecca De Mornay (not a problem) and then open a brothel in my parent’s house. “We don’t remember giving you permission for a PARTY, Spearsy…” Sometimes you gotta say, well you know, and make your move.

Good luck to everyone tonight.

[Last modified: Wednesday, January 13, 2016 1:40pm]

    

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