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80 worst movies of the '80s: Hope you didn't get these as presents



47173.gymkata.jpgThe 80 worst movies of the '80s? Were there really that many back flicks in our decade? Hell yeah. Probably enough to make a list of the 180 or 280 worst movies of the '80s.

If you're new to Stuck in the '80s, you probably missed this list when it debuted back in 2006. It is still the most-viewed blog post in Stuck in the '80s history, with about 100,000 people reading it on the first day it was published. With that sort of popularity, I figured the top 10 would be a good re-gift for Christmas. Click the links to see the ranking.


(Click here to see lists for worst sequels and worst movies 11-20, 21-30, 31-40, 41-50, 51-60, 61-70, 71-80)

10. Absolute Beginners (1986): Eddie O'Connell, David Bowie. Tagline: "Welcome to the world of your dreams!" One critic said: "Totally forgettable songs, dance numbers, and a ridiculous plot make Absolute Beginners look like absolute junk."

9. Yentl (1983): Barbra Streisand, Mandy Patinkin. Tagline: "Nothing's Impossible." One critic said: " In a back room of an Ivy League library somewhere there is a fetishist who desperately tries to think of anything besides this film."

8. Cobra (1986): Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen. Tagline: "Crime is the disease. Meet the Cure." One critic said: "Keep in mind that even most Stallone fans can't sit through it, so be sure to think long and hard before investing 90 minutes of your life in Marion Cobretti."

 7. Heartbeeps (1981): Andy Kaufman, Bernadette Peters. Tagline: "Be on the lookout for this gang of misfit robots." One critic said: "An overlooked, nearly forgotten film that deserves to stay that way."

 6. The Pirate Movie
(1982): Kristy McNichol, Christopher Atkins. Tagline: "Buckle Your Swash and Jolly Your Roger for the Funniest Rock 'N Rollickin' Adventure Ever!" One critic said: "What Gilbert & Sullivan's [Pirates Of Penzance] would look and sound like if it were rewritten by a boy-crazed middle-schooler who'd rather drool over John Travolta in Grease for the 50th time than suffer through anything close to opera.

5. Defcon-4 (1985): Lenore Zann, Maury Chaykin. Tagline: none. One critic said: "When your film is ultimately going to be compared to superior post-nuclear holocaust genre pictures like The Last Man on Earth and The Omega Man, what chance beyond a good ad campaign do you really have to be remembered?"

4. Rhinestone (1984): Sylvester Stallone, Dolly Parton. Tagline: "A rip roaring, hard lovin' comedy hit with wonderful new songs by Dolly Parton." One critic said: "It is a tossup as to whether Dolly Parton's original songs or Sylvester Stallone's original dialogue is closer in essence to fingernails being drawn across a slate blackboard. "

3. Ishtar (1987): Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman. Tagline: none. One critic said: "A truly dreadful film, a lifeless, massive, lumbering exercise in failed comedy.

2. Over The Top (1987): Sylvester Stallone, Robert Loggia. Tagline: "Some fight for money... Some fight for glory... He's fighting for his son's love." One critic said: "A movie about arm-wrestling. What's next? Crab soccer?"

1. Gymkata (1985): Kurt Thomas, Tetchie Agbayani. Tagline: "The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate." One critic said: "Gymkata is based on a book titled "The Terrible Game." There is truth in advertising here."

[Last modified: Sunday, December 25, 2011 9:50am]


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