80s movies to sober you up
New Year's is long over. Time to empty the trash can of Absolut and Wild Turkey bottles. And Stuck in the 80s is here to help.
Oh no, I'm not going on the wagon. In fact, while you're reading this, I'm floating on a cruise ship somewhere in the Caribbean -- glass of something potent in hand -- taking a much needed vacation.
But these movies will help provide the inspiration that I myself cannot possibly supply.
MOVIES FROM THE 80s TO HELP SOBER YOU UP FOR 2008:
CLEAN AND SOBER (1988): Michael Keaton, Morgan Freeman. If this movie doesn't sober you up, stop reading now. The rest of my list won't help. "The best way to break old habits is to make new ones."
LESS THAN ZERO (1987): Andrew McCarthy, Jami Gertz. This could also be billed as the Robert Downey Jr. biography on the E Channel. "Do you know that you girls have televisions between your legs?"
BAR FLY (1987): Mickey Rourke, Faye Dunaway. Should be packaged with "Clean and Sober" as the box-set from hell. "Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."
SCARFACE (1983): Al Pacino, Michell Pfeiffer. Lesson No. 1? Tony, just pay attention to the next rule. "Lesson number two: Don't get high on your own supply."
ARTHUR (1981): Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli. Actually, I think this movie may be responsible for where I am today. And for my bad luck with potential father-in-laws. "You must've hated this moose."
COCKTAIL (1988): Tom Cruise, Elisabeth Shue. Bryan Brown kills himself with a very expensive bottle of booze, thus negating Couglin's Law. "Anything else is always something better."
MY FAVORITE YEAR (1982): Peter O'Toole, Mark Linn-Baker. Pretty much O'Toole playing himself. And who would blame him? "Stone, you can watch me or you can join me. One of them is more fun."
STRANGE BREW (1983): Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas. Too much beer and suddenly you're running around a castle in your pajamas and playing hockey with insane asylum inmates. Ah, who am I kidding? Sounds fun! "My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven, this sucks."