Add mustache, and anyone can be Magnum
In Hollywood's age of Repetition over Originality, it was only a matter of time until someone ran with the idea of Magnum P.I. for the big screen.
Who will inherit the role of Hawaii's private eye made famous by Tom Selleck? Vince Vaughn and George Clooney are battling over the part, according to Hollywood sources. (Why not Mr. Selleck? Even at age 61, Selleck looks closer to his alter ego than Harrison Ford does for the upcoming Indiana Jones sequel.) It seems Magnum's screenwriter also penned the Vaughn blockbuster Dodgeball, keeping him in the game with man-of-the-moment Clooney.
Precious little other info is available about the production, which would follow other small-to-big screen numbings as Starsky & Hutch, Beverly Hillbillies, Charlie's Angels and Dukes of Hazzard. Meanwhile, according to one newspaper report, Hollywood power brokers last week took out a full page ad in the L.A. Times that read simply: "Anybody got any fresh ideas?"
I do! And so using a cutout of Selleck's real mustache, here are some other contenders for the Magnum P.I. role. Drumroll please....
Other candidates to play Thomas Magnum:
Survivor's Jeff Probst: Looks good in hat and 'stache. Dimples too. If he could only act.
Ben Stiller: It works. Looks more like a porno star than Magnum. If there's a difference.
Crispin Glover: OK, that's just creepy.
Brad Pitt: Time to take the heat off the Angelina-Jennifer fiasco with a little hair dye.
Bill Murray: Looks like the head groundskeeper now on Caddyshack.
Clay Aiken: Time to put those nasty rumors to bed, Clay, and play a man's man. (No pun intended).
Jack Nicholson: Reprising the Adventures of Baron Munchausen?
Katie Holmes: Tom might like her better with a mustache.
Florida Gov. Jeb Bush: Needs new career after Bush family is expelled from politics.
Former FEMA fiascoteer Michael Brown: Don't worry, Brownie. You can't screw up this job any worse than your last one.
Yanni: No need to add mustache. He wins.