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Bad boys: 'No other Val dude can touch me'



When it comes to villainous boyfriends, it's hard to top 80s movies for rich material. In fact, just take about any John Hughes movie and find the boy with the strangest names (Steff? Blaine? Hardy?). Or any character played by Rob Lowe (although he really hit his stride in the '90s). Voila! Instant boyfriend/villain.

Sometimes the true evil of a boyfriend is hidden behind the big, toothy grins ("Maverick," "Danny Noonan") or a beach-friendly mop of boyishly blond hair ("Tommy" and "Rick" -- talkin' about you here.)

So stick with me as I lay out...

THE TERRIBLE TEN: Worst movie boyfriends from the 80s

Heathers Heathers' "Jason Dean" (Christian Slater): Usually when your boyfriend starts offing your friends and plots to blow up the school, it's time to take a step back. "Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie."

About Last Night's "Danny Martin" (Rob Lowe): Who breaks up with Demi Moore on New Year's Eve to go back to dating married women with children? Apparently just Rob Lobe. "He is a better human being than that bitch on wheels you've got for a friend!"

Dannynoonan Caddyshack's "Danny Noonan" (Michael O'Keefe): Looks helpless enough, but then ditches Maggie for Lacey Underall. OK, so maybe he's not that bad.

St. Elmo's Fire's "Alec Newbary" (Judd Nelson): Has sex with "nameless, faceless many" -- and says so to his girlfriend Leslie in front of an entire party. (And yet, somehow, former podcast co-host Cathy Wos thinks Rob Lowe is the most evil person in the movie.)

Craigsheffer Some Kind of Wonderful's "Hardy Jenns" (Craig Sheffer): You can say that "Steff" from "Pretty in Pink" is the ultimate John Hughes villain, but I thought he was a semi-respectful boyfriend. Not so with Hardy. At least we're left to ponder if Duncan really does scramble his face. "Look, I'm perfectly willing to forget this. Okay? I see no reason in carrying this on any longer."

Top Gun's "Maverick" (Tom Cruise): Tries to seduce Kelly McGillis in a bathroom, shows up late for dinner -- unshowered -- after "boys day at the beach" and then leaves suddenly without clearing the dishes. I guess we know why Nicole Kidman isn't losing any sleep. "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous."

Arthur Arthur's "Arthur Bach" (Dudley Moore): Still one of the classic performances of any 80s comedies. Just set aside the fact that he's stewed when proposing to Susan and sleeps with hookers every night. "You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!"

Footloose's "Chuck Cranston" (Jim Youngs): He can't decide who he like beating up more -- Kevin Bacon or Lori Singer. Then again, Kevin was dressing up like David Bowie. "I thought only pansies wore neckties."

Lastvirgin Last American Virgin's "Rick" (Steve Antin): Gets Karen pregnant, dumps her long enough for Gary to pay for an abortion and then gets back together with her. If there's a poster-boy for this list, it's either Rick or it's...

Valley Girl's "Tommy" (Michael Bowen): Sorta the Al Pacino of movie badboys in the 80s. Why? Because after Julie dumps him, he has the infamous line: "Who else is there? No other Val dude can touch me. She must really be freaking out."

[Don't forget our "Naughty Nine" -- the most evil girlfriends from 80s movies.]

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:25pm]


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