Can we vote these people off too?
Sanjaya was finally voted off of American Idol tonight in -- ironically? -- the only episode I watched start to finish. I was glued to the TV, partially thanks to help from the Wild Turkey distillery. And partly because -- I'd like to think -- it was a historic night. (I still think Sanjaya's sister has an better-than-even shot at scoring seats to the season finale.)
As Sanjaya was forced to sing his farewell ditty, I reached a level of something I'm going to call "nocturnal clarity." And tonight's blog item suddenly became obvious.
If we could force some of our 80s idols to perform a similar "song of shame" -- oh, savor the thought -- who would we choose?
AXL ROSE: Our GNR frontman is perhaps the decade's biggest fraud. And no, he doesn't get to sing an original tune. I'm making him sing "Power of Love" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Savor that, Axl baby.
BOY GEORGE: I know we thought he was original and interesting at the time, but did anyone truly enjoy his music? And aren't you really embarrassed for him nowadays? On his American Idol finale, I'm having him sing "I Know What Boys Like" by The Waitresses.
BRYAN ADAMS: My friends and I have a long-standing theory that you never really notice when a Bryan Adams song comes on the radio. Just like you never notice when your fly is open. Hence, when "Summer of '69" or any Adams song comes on, we say, "Your Bryan Adams is hanging out." Yowsers! So Bryan gets to sing ... "She-Bop" by Cyndi Lauper (another person who oddly uses a "y" in their first name).
WHITNEY HOUSTON: If there was anyone I'd torment by having them sing his or her own song, it's Whitney. In fact, yeah. She's gonna have to belt out "Greatest Love of All" -- paying particular attention to the delicious irony of the line, "No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity." Oh yes, they can.
Sanjaya, you can relax now. At least you still have your dignity.