Commies hate Indiana Jones!
The new Indiana Jones flick may be the cinematic equivalent of a bowl of cold borscht, but it has one distinct 80s feel to it: The communists HATE it.
According to the Reuters news service, Russian Communist Party members have condemned "The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" as "crude, anti-Soviet propaganda that distorts history and called for it to be banned from Russian screens."
"What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathized when Bin Laden hit them," said Viktor Perov, a Communist Party member in Russia. "But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists. These people have no shame."
For the record, Viktor, ever since 1984's "Red Dawn," nobody is really afraid of Communists. Not when it turns out they can be single-handedly whipped by the likes of Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze.
"Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA," said Andrei Gindos, another party member. "We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country."
Times like this, you wonder if the Russkies remember the far more slanderous movies of the 80s.
TOP FIVE RED-BASHING MOVIES OF THE 80s:
5. SPIES LIKE US (1985): "Jesus, where did you learn your Russian, JCPenney?"
4. FIREFOX (1982): "You will not, of course, make it to wherever you are going. Goodbye, Mr. Gant!"
3. WHITE NIGHTS (1985): "What you call yourself is of no concern to us. Here, you're just a criminal."
2. RED DAWN (1984): "Boys! Avenge me! Avenge me!"
1. ROCKY IV (1985): "If he dies, he dies."