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Dare I say classic? Another '80s birthday to celebrate

10

July

spearsy.jpgToday's guest blog item is written by Spearsy's high school buddy/Las Vegas roommate Andy. He doesn't have a nickname yet, but he badly needs one. Take it away Andy.

Give it up for Steve Spears. He turned 85 years old today. I think. Maybe it was just 43. In any case, he has a lot of grey in that phony goatee that he's growing. And since he's the ultimate '80s celebrity, I figured he needed to be honored like so many of his '80s heroes.

First, let me tell you I know all of Spearsy's secrets, all the way back to that one Halloween in 1981 when he dressed up as one of the Baseball Furies gang from The Warriors, only he wore rollerskates. Seriously. Rollerskates. He might as well have been auditioning for Xanadu.

In case you're wondering what happened to Spearsy on his big day today, I took him to a baseball game. Not very interesting until the hot girl next to him took her shoes off and promptly dipped them into Steve's beer. By accident, I think. He was so distraught he almost coughed up his footlong hotdog that was covered in room temperature sauerkraut. 

It was all downhill from there until we got back to the Lair, when Steve discovered his FIRST GIRLFRIEND EVER just friended him on Facebook. Spearsy is now in a state of zen. Though that could also be because I mixed him a Wild Turkey that had very little mixer in it.

If you're coming to Vegas with us for Lost '80s Weekend, I'll be glad to spin a few more yarns about Spearsy as a mustached-gigolo in his high school days, including his totally improper lust for my sister. The fact that she's married today still doesn't deter him. Should I be worried?

I'm not great at Top 5 lists, but I know it's a tradition for birthday blog items. So here goes.

TOP 5 '80s MOVIE LINES THAT SPEARSY QUOTES WAY TOO MUCH: 

5. "Pardon my French, but you're an a--hole!" (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

4. "What's a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?" (Better Off Dead)

3. "Until you get laid none of us are safe!" (Class)

2. "You're coming on so strong. Why would I ever hire you?" (Where the Buffalo Roam)

1. "Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend." (Star Trek 2)

[Last modified: Saturday, July 10, 2010 10:12pm]

    

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