David Lee Roth's special day
David Lee Roth, who turns 52 years old today, and Van Halen rock Cleveland tonight. So just how will Diamond Dave celebrate his big day? Here's a possible schedule:
11:30 a.m. -- Wakes up in Motel 6 in Akron. Discovers this is NOT the hotel he's supposed to be staying in. (Just force of habit, I guess.)
12 noon -- Hearty lunch of Asian lettuce wraps from Chili's.
12:30 p.m. -- Tries to get senior discount to Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame museum. Forced to show ID and pay $20.
12:31 to 1:15 p.m. -- Visit Van Halen's exhibit at the Hall. Cries when watching tape of band's induction last year, featuring only Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony.
1:30 to 3 p.m. -- Soundcheck at Quicken Loans Arena in downtown Cleveland. Unsuccessfully tries to talk Wolfgang into playing "California Girls" at tonight's show.
3 to 4 p.m. -- Breaks for "General Hospital." Today's episode: Jerry shares some disturbing news with Emily. No appearance by Dr. Noah Drake. (So much for that birthday wish.)
4 p.m. -- Exercise period. Roller-skates alongside the river front. Disguises himself as Bret Michaels so people will ignore him.
5 p.m. -- Begins three-hour session with makeup staff. Fake chest hair re-applied. Physical therapist lovingly massages his "strained groin" muscle.
9 p.m. -- Van Halen hits the stage. Band's birthday surprise for Dave: a ballad version of "Just a Gigolo," featuring Eddie on keyboards and Alex on bongos.
11:30 p.m. -- Reads "Stuck in the 80s" blog. Immediately cancels our lunch for tomorrow. ("Come on, Dave, gimme a break!")