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Dear Ione Skye ... I'll say anything to make you mine



Ione_skyeDearest Ione Skye -- Another year, another birthday for you, another year you deny the cosmic attraction between us.

I won't even bother reminding you of your age -- mainly because you change the number every time you talk to the media. As long as we share our '80s love, the only number that matters is "two" -- your heart plus mine (also coincidentally the number of Viagra pills needed for your birthday surprise.)

I've spent the year since my last love letter buying up all your DVDs ... and trying to understand how you could be so cruel to John Cusack in Say Anything. He offered you everything. You gave him a pen. Though in all fairness, it did appear to be a very nice pen.

I'm afraid I'll never comprehend the cruelness your gender inflicts on the soft-hearted among us. I take solace knowing that re-watching your performance as Mrs. Veal on Arrested Development will ease my pain. (Because one more viewing of your stinging indifference in The Rachel Papers may drive me away forever.)

In the meantime, because the pain at your absence lingers on, I offer this humble list.


5. "I feel like someone dipped me in used cooking oil." (River's Edge)

4. "I don't want to be 60 years old some day and seemingly happily married to some man that I know is my second choice." (Dream for an Insomniac)

3. "Everything else means nothing to me. If I hurt you again, I'll die." (Say Anything)

2. "I'd kick you in the balls if you had any." (Gas, Food, Lodging)

1. "No one ever finds the one." (Dream for an Insomniac)

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:50pm]


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