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Dreaming of an 80s halftime show

6

February

So the Rolling Stones rocked (well, wheezed anyway) their way through the Super Bowl XL halftime show. Nice. Even close to entertaining. But we're still waiting for an 80s-themed halftime show for Super Sunday. (And don't give me the "Styx played the pregame show when the game was in Tampa" line -- they didn't have Dennis DeYoung, so "Come Sail Away" sounded like some sick karaoke version of the classic tune.)

Here's how we see it playing out:

-- Pregame show: Asia reunites to open the show, performing "Heat of the Moment" -- the hot retro song these days. Then .... the triumphant return of Frankie Goes to Hollywood playing "Two Tribes," complete with Holly Johnson dragging Paul Rutherford around by a leather dog collar and leash. (Sadly, Fox Network deems this another "wardrobe malfunction" so the entire scene is blurred out.)

-- The national anthem: Billy Idol sings it, punctuating the lines with sneers while wearing a Union Jack t-shirt. "And the rockets' red glare, we cried more! more! more!" Watching on TV at the White House, George W. chokes on a pretzel. Dick Cheney assumes control of the country until the third quarter.

-- The halftime show: Depeche Mode cranks out "Everything Counts," stirring the crowd into a frenzy when Martin Gore performs wearing only a miniskirt made out of pigskin. They give way to Duran Duran, the original lineup naturally, but they eschew "The Reflex" in favor of "Planet Earth." (Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop this is planet earth!) Finally, Bono marches out with white flag and the rest of U2 and screw everything up by altering the lyrics to their classic song, changing it to "Sunday, Super Sunday."

Alas, even in our daydreams, commercialism proves to be the buzz-kill.

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:16pm]

    

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