Forget Madonna: Here are some better adoptive parents

5

October

Madonna_1 Flash news alert! Drop your mocha frappachino and pay attention to me! Now! Here it is: Madonna may -- or may not have -- adopted a boy from the African country of Malawi.

Uh, yeah. That's all. Seems the blogosphere is wild with rumors over the last 12 hours that the Queen of Kabbalah (oh yeah, I hear she sometimes sings too) adopted a 1-year-old orphan while visiting the impoverished African country this week. Even the government there had confirmed it. This morning, though, her spokesman denied the claim in an interview with American media. (The only media you can really trust, right?)

Of course, Madonna isn't mad about all the sudden attention focused on her. Heavens no!

"I think that anything that brings attention to the country is fine with her, even if it's information that's not correct," her publicist told the Reuters news service. "She wants people to pay attention to Malawi and to the 1 million children who don't have parents and don't have care there."

Personally, with the possible exception of being adopted by Tom Cruise, I can't imagine a more undesirable adoptive celebrity parent. Maybe Carrot Top. Or Roseanne Barr.

Top Five 80s celebrities who would make good adoptive parents:

Pheobe 5. Pheobe Cates: Imagine the fun at pool parties. Your friends would keep playing "Living in Stereo" on the boom box and crossing their fingers.

4. Mr. T: Nobody would dare beat you up at the bus stop. Plus, you'd get good seats to all the Rocky movie premieres.

Kelly_lebrock_gallery_9_1 3. Kelly LeBrock: Equally hot to Pheobe, but with her "Weird Science" powers, she'd score me a cooler wardrobe and fake IDs.

2. Joe Montana: I sucked at football and never got off the bench back in high school, but I'm thinking if I were "Steve Montana" and Joe was watching from the stands, Coach would have played me more.

Vacationchevy 1. Chevy Chase: I'm thinking more along the lines of Clark Griswold than Fletch here. He'd give me a beer, drive me across country in the Wagon Queen Family Truckster to theme parks and still have the energy to score with Beverly D'Angelo and Christie Brinkley in the same night.

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:20pm]

    

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