Grosse Pointe Blank: Evil or pure genius?
I'm catching a lot of grief for my Facebook status message (people, get lives!) about my well-publicized dislike of the 1997 flick Grosse Pointe Blank. (Okay, by writing this blog post, maybe I need to get a life too.)
But here's the thing: I think Grosse Pointe Blank is possibly the worst '80s-centric movie from outside the '80s. (Yeah, even edging out 2007's Kickin' it Old Skool.) Let me make my 5-point case.
TOP 5 REASONS GROSSE POINTE COMES UP BLANK:
5. JOAN CUSACK WEIRDS ME OUT: This could be her worst flick. Her incessant need to call her brother "sir" throughout the movie sounds more like fetish play than movie dialogue. Maybe it's time for Joan and John Cusack to make movies apart for a while. Actually, I'm sure of it.
4. MINNIE DRIVER IS AN ALIEN: Maybe not from another planet, but definitely from another country. And that makes it impossible for her to carry a Michigan accent. Come to think of it, nobody in this movie sounds like they live in "the Big Mitten." (Given that half the cast is from Chicago, why didn't the set the freakin' movie there?)
3. PREDICTABLE SOUNDTRACK: Of course, the songs in this movie rule. But anyone reading this blog could have picked those songs. They're standard must-owns in any '80s fan's collection. And the songs don't make the movie (like they do in Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller or even SLC Punk); they're just window dressing.
2. THE CO-STARS: Jeremy Piven and Dan Aykroyd do what they can to carry the water in this flick. But after seeing a half dozen seasons of Entourage, I've realized the sad truth: Piven can only play himself. And after seeing Aykroyd again, I realize this: I'll never forgive him for Caddyshack 2.
1. THE PLOT: Seriously, does anyone keep watching beyond the halfway point of the class reunion dance? I see Cusack and Driver, sitting high above the dance, listening to Pete Townshend's Let My Love Open The Door, and I know it's time to turn the movie off. Because like the '80s decade itself, what happens afterward is an utter disappointment.
Anyone care to pick a fight with my argument?