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Hail to our first '80s commander-in-chief



Obama Imagine it now. An inaugural ball featuring white jackets, pink bow ties and a killer live band with roughly the same lineup as Band Aid.

That's what we can have now that the '80s Nation has infiltrated the Nation-at-Large. Congratulations, Barack Obama, Columbia University Class of 1983. Here are some of the executive orders I'm hoping are just months away.

RECORDING INDUSTRY REFORM: Frankie Goes To Hollywood ordered to reunite and headline the Regeneration Tour 2009 beginning with gala opening night on Aug. 1 in Las Vegas. (The Police ordered to never reunite again.)

TREATMENT OF DOMESTIC HOSTILES: Madonna has U.S. citizenship revoked. (Guy Ritchie extended offer to become naturalized American and invitation to throw out first pitch at 2009 World Series.)

Flagswatch SECRET SERVICE OVERHAUL: Instead of dark suits and sunglasses, new daily uniform changed to parachute pants, checkerboard T-shirts and feathered hair. Government-issued Swatches are a must too.

ECONOMIC STIMULUS ACT: Federal funding for roller-skating rinks for every metro area. All couple skates to include REO's Keep On Loving You, Queen's One Year of Love and Journey's Faithfully.

A NEW SEVENTH-INNING STRETCH SONG: Can we gently retire the playing of God Bless America during baseball games? I think the '80s Nation deserves something a little more secular and upbeat. Ladies and gentlemen, please stretch your legs and sing along to this!

(Sorry, couldn't help it.) What other '80s acts are needed now that our generation has control of the White House for the first time?

[AP photo]

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:40pm]


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