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How Ferris Bueller would spend a sick day ... if he really was sick




Ferris Bueller has this advice for '80s nation: Get a flu shot. Today. Now if possible.

Yours truly has been knocked out with the flu since Thursday, a situation only complicated by the revelation today that I've been taking Advil PM instead of regular Advil. No wonder I can't stay awake.

But it gets me thinking: How would Ferris Bueller spend an actual sick day? Since drinking by the pool, hijacking your best friend's dad's car and day-tripping through the big city really aren't an option, I think I have it figured out.

2:50 a.m.: Wakeup call for trip to bathroom, thanks to the 3 quarts of Gatorade consumed the day before. Repeat hourly.

8:55 a.m.: Wake up and check TiVo to see what '80s movies are there to watch. Luckily today "Ferris" has both UHF and Real Genius to keep him occupied. 

11:30 a.m.: Spend 90-plus minutes cleaning up wadded-up tissues lying all over the Lair. (I figure Ferris calls his place "the Lair" as well.)

1 p.m.: Enough sitting around. Ferris steals Jeanie's car to make a run to the grocery store for pudding pops, microwave popcorn and wine coolers (for medicinal purposes only).

5 p.m.: Forgot he left door to Lair unlocked. Finds Rooney on the couch perusing his DVD collection of adult fare from the Far East. "Fingercuffs, Rooney. Fingercuffs."

8 p.m.: Three football games, two Gino's pizzas, 4 more quarts of Gatorade later, "Sloane" shows up at the Lair and chastises "Ferris" for not following her instructions about just staying in and getting bed rest. "Punitive" back-rubbing takes place.

11:15 p.m.: Despite all attempts to lower his fever, Ferris finds he still has the flu and has to repeat it all over again the next day. Outlook for work on Monday? 50-50. But remember: "Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive."

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:52pm]


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