Idol robs us of our '80s dignity
Got it: It's like going to your first college party, getting drunk and finding a really hot girl that hangs on you all night. Only you wake up the next morning hungover and find out the really hot girl was in fact your younger sister. And to top it all off, there are photos all over MySpace of your friends tea-bagging you and posing next to your passed-out corpse of a body.
In other words: You should have known better.
There are so many reasons to be disappointed this morning. Here are a few:
SONG SELECTION: A Whitney Houston song for a guy? Oh Chikezie ... 80s co-host Sean Daly was right -- take the easy win with some James Ingram. And "Tainted Love" -- are you kidding me, Danny? Why not pick something more cliche -- like the "Super Bowl Shuffle" or "Don't Worry, Be Happy?"
THE PHIL FACTOR: Everyone figured we'd hear Phil Collins at some point, but "Another Day in Paradise" is toward the bottom of the list. "Against All Odds" would have been the right call. Maybe a little "In The Air Tonight." (I guess we should be happy at least that it wasn't "Susudio.")
TOO SIMPLE MINDED: "Don't You Forget About Me" is an 80s classic, and probably the most "pure" 80s song of the night. I was happy to see it chosen. Too bad Michael Johns bungled it.
THE PAULA FACTOR: Paula Abdul had her moment of fame in the '80s, so I didn't expect her to stay silent all night. But just once I'd like to see her get cranky and start handing out some bad reviews. (God help us all if a female contestant picks a Paula song to perform tonight. Simon might projectile vomit.)
TONIGHT WILL BE WORSE: Expect the poor song choices to continue. Expect someone to perform a song originally sung by a male (I'm thinking a Journey or REO tune). And expect me to be back online tomorrow morning, aspirins in hand, checking out MySpace for photos ... just in case.