Instead of the Go-Go's next weekend, Rays fans get ... Vanilla Ice?
So lemme get this straight: The Tampa Bay Rays baseball club has replaced its free Go-Go's concert next weekend with Vanilla Ice. Granted, the Go-Go's canceled their entire tour after bassist Jane Wiedlin severely injured her knee in a hiking accident. So the Rays had little choice but to find somebody to fill the hole on Friday, July 9. But in this case, Ice does not ease the swelling. It merely inflames it.
I maintain Vanilla Ice (or Robert Matthew Van Winkle, as his momma named him) is one of the leading defendants in any "Death of the '80s" tribunal. That's right. He's the Hermann Goering of harmonies. The Pol Pot of pop music. The Tokyo Rose of rappers.
This week, for my weekly Top 5 column in the St. Pete Times, I'm aiming to name Vanilla Ice's co-defendants. So what I need from you is simple: Help me name the 5 biggest musical atrocities of the '90s. Five songs or performers who took any of the pure joy and innocence from our beloved '80s and crushed them in a heap of molten cheesiness and retarded poetry.
For me, the list obviously starts with Ice Ice Baby. But where does it go from there? Help me, '80s nation, you're my only hope.