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It shall return: Mustaches of the '80s




Great mustaches. Selleck. Reynolds. Weird Al. All pantheons in upper-lippery in the 1980s. Time has marched forward, but facial hair remains firmly stuck in our beloved decade.

These days, nobody appreciates a simple 'stache. It has to be augmented by a little chin decor too. Or mutton chops. Like the Sony Walkman, Jheri Curl, the Cosby sweater and concert jerseys, it's a fad lost in time. Until now...




As of this weekend, my old mustache -- aka "The Weapon" -- is being regrown. It served me well from 1983 to 1989, and the time has come to reconnect with that special mojo. And so, what today looks like a slight smudge or possibly just errant shaving will soon blossom into facial hair fame. I vow to maintain the 'stache until Aug. 14 -- The Lost '80s Weekend in Las Vegas -- where said 'stache will be sacrificed on the altar of '80s-ness.

It's not too late to join us is Sin City -- soon to be renamed 'Stache City -- for Lost '80s Weekend. E-mail me at for more details.

In the meantime, I could use some fashion direction for my 'stache. I will say right now, the 'stache does want it wants. And what it wants to be is something between a "Sam Elliott" and a "Wilford Brimley."

However, I can aim for one of these, if you prefer: 

THE BURT REYNOLDS: Classic style. And it's bushy, like mine wants to be. But does it say "Smokey and the Bandit" more than "Boogie Nights?" 

THE CARL WEATHERS: Ah, the pencil-thin mustache. Jimmy Buffett has nothing on Apollo Creed and Action Jackson. This would be a grooming challenge.

THE WEIRD AL: Fantastically sculpted. That being said, Weird Al shaved his off a decade ago. Gone too are his glasses. Weird Al knows how to move on.

THE JOHN OATES: In its natural form, "The Weapon" looks exactly like Oates' famous mustache. John shaved it off 20 years ago, but still faces questions about it every day. If anyone besides me needs a 'stache back, it's John Oates.


[Last modified: Monday, June 21, 2010 12:04pm]


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