Michael Jackson is 50 years old...
Poor Wacko Jacko. He can sell another 100-million copies of "Thriller" but he'll probably always been known as the nut-job who ruined his life, career and reputation with rumors of pet monkeys, faux wives, oxygen tents and under-aged overnight guests.
How will he spend the big day? Jackson told ABC News that he'd probably "just have a little cake with my children and we'll probably watch some cartoons."
We almost believe you.
TOP 5 MEDIA MOMENTS FOR MICHAEL JACKSON:
5. THE EXPLANATION: In a videotaped statement to the public in 1993, Jackson proclaimed his innocence in child abuse charges and lambasted the media.
4. THE BABY DROP: In 2002, Jacko hung Prince Michael Jackson II over a hotel balcony. And sadly, that's only No. 4 on this list.
3. THE KISS: Michael and his Lisa Marie Presley at the 1994 MTV Music Video Awards. "Nobody thought this would last," said Jacko in taunting his critics. Oh, our bad.
2. THE FIRE: In 1984, Michael's hair caught on fire while filming a Pepsi commercial. (Rival soda makers had a Coke and a smile.)
1. THE MOONWALK: The first dance phenomenon introduced over live TV? Maybe. In any case, we had to end the list on a positive note. Jacko first dazzled with this move in 1983 at the Motown 25th anniversary TV special. It's been imitated -- badly -- by legions of fans ever since.