Name the worst movie sequels of the '80s
With Hollywood busy plotting remakes and sequels of more and more '80s classics, now's a good time to return to our favorite decade and remember that for every great Star Trek 2 and Superman 2 there was also a dreadful Grease 2 and Jaws 3-D.
So what can Hollywood learn from those two hits and two misses when working on its new projects?
- TRY TO IMPROVE ON THE ORIGINAL PRODUCT: The original Star Trek movie was a mess. The first Superman flick was ... well, good, but not great. The sequel scripts were far superior.
- INTRODUCE GREAT VILLAINS: Even the quotes from sequel villains are legendary. "Kneel before General Zod." "Kirk, you're still alive, my old friend."
- DON'T GO SOFT ON ACTORS: Did anyone really think Maxwell Caulfield and Michelle Pfeiffer could replace John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John? Though in Jaws 3-D, you have Dennis Quaid and Louis Gossett Jr., so there's not so much a drop-off in talent.
- KNOWN WHEN TO QUIT: Seriously, did we need a sequel to Grease? If anything, we'd have rather seen what happened to the old gang, not Adrian Zmed and friends.
In the meantime, it's list time again, mateys. And I'm feeling like pointing out the other Worst Sequels of the '80s. There is no shortage of candidates. Drop your own suggestions here. Here are some of mine:
PSYCHO II (1983): Hollywood, pay attention to what happened the last time you waited two decades between sequels. "At least my customers have a good time! What do yours get, Bates? Huh? Dead! That's what! Murdered by you, you loony!"
STAYING ALIVE (1983): Give them credit. They followed most of the rules outlined above. Travolta returns. The story advances. The music is decent. Blame the intangibles: A soap star -- Finola Hughes -- as a villain, the cheesy cameo by Sylvester Stallone and the horrific dance production at the end. Still it ends with a classic line: "You know what I wanna do? ... Strut."
SUPERMAN III (1983): Richard Pryor in a movie based on a comic book. It makes The Toy so much more palatable. Wish they'd let him write his own dialogue, because this won't cut it: "I don't want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers."
TEEN WOLF TOO (1987): Jason Bateman is one of the funniest humanoids on the planet, so we'll cut him a break for starring in this since it was his first film job. "I just had a beard over every inch of my body ... fingernails the size of french fries ... teeth from here to Texas ... and she called me a dog ... A DOG."
KARATE KID III (1989): I'm torn on this one. I love "John Kreese" of Cobra Kai returning and screwing with Daniel-San. But the dialogue is so ridiculous. Need proof? "You know, this is the '80s, Mr. Miyagi. You can't be so damn passive!"
STAR TREK III (1984): Christopher Lloyd as a Klingon. That about sums it up. But the movie does have great quotes. Ask me any day at work and I'll spit out a half dozen, including my two favorites. "Genesis allowed is not! Is planet forbidden." And the always fun "You Klingon bastards, you killed my son!"