Please let me check back into the '80s
I'd like to issue a quick and full apology to John Cusack in regards to my recent rant about his latest, disappointing movie performances.
I make the mistake of watching his last movie -- "1408" -- on DVD last night and haven't been able to sleep more than 30 minutes at a time since. Cusack was brilliant, of course, but the horror story of Room 1408 at NYC's Dolphin Hotel ... or as Samuel L. Jackson says, the "evil f---ing room" -- has given me nightmares not to be believed.
I dream of the tiniest yet gruesome details, wake up, curse the movie and try to go back to bed thinking of pleasant things, like a fully body massage from Ione Skye. But 30 minutes later, I thrash around, wake up and want to scream at the mini-bar in my bedroom.
For the record, this is why I hate horror movies. I've never understood the desire of anyone to forfeit a night's sleep in exchange for watching a heart-attack inducing experience that nearly always has a predictable ending. (Sort of the equivalent of eating the Spears family dish of pork and sauerkraut -- only without the late charges.)
TOP 5 LINES FROM "1408" (and please let me sleep now):
5. "Eight dollars for Beer Nuts? This room is evil!"
4. "I stopped being afraid of vampires when I was 12. Do you know why I can stay in your spooky old room, Mr. Olin? Because I know that ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties... don't exist."
3. "Finally! Something to for me to write about! A ghost that offers turn down service!"
2. "You can choose to repeat this hour over and over again, or you can take advantage of our express checkout system."
1. "Stay scared."