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Say Anything? How about "Go Away!"



Sayanything I'll bet my weekly Stuck in the 80s stipend that Kevin Federline is no 80s movie fan. But now that Britney Spears is divorcing him, he's gonna have some "alone time." (As one blogger put it: "When asked why the earth suddenly feels like it's spinning faster, scientists said it's because Kevin Federline just fell off the face of it.")

And the 80s, it turns out, is chock full of great movies to help make a broken heart feel even worse. Like the feeling of having Kirstie Allen sit on your chest. Or members of Culture Club stabbing you in the back. (But still not as bad as listening to Billy Idol singing White Christmas.)

Recommended viewing list for K-Fed:

(1989): "Kevin ... Kevin ... she's written 65 songs. They're all about you. They're all about pain."

LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN (1982): Just like the character Gary, Kevin will soon be driving around, crying while listening to James Ingram. ... And paying prostitutes for sex too, of course.

HEATHERS (1989): Poison K-Fed with drain cleaner and pass it off as suicide? Too obvious. But as with Christian Slater's character, it's never too late to tie 50 pounds of explosives to him and light a fuse.

THE OUTSIDERS (1983): I'm thinking Kevin's the kinda guy who thinks "Soc" bad-boy Leif Garrett is a role model. Plus, like Leif, he's always got that singing career to fall back on.

ST. ELMO'S FIRE (1985): Think Rob Lowe, sitting in the back of the bus, driving away, never to be heard from again. Now switch him out with Kevin Federline. See? It did have a happy ending.

[Click here for the Say Anything and the Heathers podcasts]

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:20pm]


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