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Script shocker: 'I killed Ferris Bueller'

26

August

Ferris03

Let the debate continue on the merits of a Ferris Bueller sequel. In the last seven days, since I broke the news of the script by screenwriter Rick Rapier, I've been called everything from a "schmuck" to a "thieving stableboy from Bavaria." (Actually that last part is probably in my head from watching "Beer Fest" too many times this weekend.)

I also was a skeptic on the idea of a sequel -- until I read the script. And to help move the conversation along, Rick and I have decided to release a scene from the script for everyone to read. This particular scene occurs early in the movie. Let us know what you think.

* * *

INT. FERRIS' PERSONAL AIRLINER - CONTINUOUS

Ferris braces himself between the rest room and the EMERGENCY EXIT. Cameron grows more agitated.

CAMERON: Ferris! Sit down! It's FAA regulation!

FERRIS: The benefit of owning one's own plane is that one can refrain from following FAA regulations.

The Ferris Bueller corporate jet rises into the air, its wheels retracting.

INT. FERRIS' PASSENGER AIRLINE - CONTINUOUS

Cameron gestures angrily for Dick and Dirk to do something. Dirk points to his fastened seat belt.

DIRK (surprisingly demure): But we're taking off, Mr. Frye.

Cameron turns to Ferris.

CAMERON: If this is about the infomercial, I'm sorry, awright!? How'd I know it would result in a 200 percent increase in seminar bookings?

FERRIS: Market research?

CAMERON: A happy accident.

FERRIS: Another accident like that and they'll be comparing me to Howard Hughes...

CAMERON: Would that be so bad?

FERRIS: You wouldn't be the one in a sterile room with nails so long you can't wipe your ass!

CAMERON: Well, it's too late!

FERRIS: No, it's never too late. (turns to CAMERA) That's Rule Number 7 from "Life Moves
Pretty Fast," disk one.

CAMERON: Why do you put me through this crap, Ferris?

FERRIS (to Cameron):  Rule number 9: "Find life's little pleasures whereever you can." I think
that's on disc two.

DEVON (still jotting in her PDA): Disc 3.

CAMERON: Well, you can forget pleasure: today's your birthday.

Ferris leans to gaze out the EMERGENCY EXIT window.

CAMERON: Ferris, sit down! The last thing we need is you in the hospital -- Millions are riding on tonight's simulcast! Carpenter would own us --

FERRIS: Is that all you care about? Money?

CAMERON: Sit down. I'm done arguing with you.

Cameron turns his back to Ferris. Ferris doesn’t budge.

FERRIS: Do the voice.

CAMERON: (knowing) What?

FERRIS: Do it. Do Peterson and I'll be a good boy all day long. Do it. (imitates Cam as "Mr.
Peterson") "Rooney! Who the hell do you think you’re talking to!?"

Cameron is adamant. No voice.

CAMERON: We don't have time for your stupid crap, Ferris!

Ferris looks to the CAMERA like Can you believe him?

FERRIS (to Cameron):  Do it!

It's a stand off.

FERRIS: You leave me no choice... It's on your head.

CAMERON: What is?

FERRIS: My stupid crap.

Ferris puts his hands on the EMERGENCY EXIT latch. Seeing Ferris, Dirk and Dick are now on alert.
Devon sees too and her eyes flash wide with concern. She implores Cameron, but he just shakes his head dismissively with a smirk of faux self-confidence.

Ferris defiantly starts to lift the EXIT DOOR handle. In an instant, Dirk and Dick are out of their seats.

DICK: Don't do it!

FERRIS: Not another step!

As Devon GASPS, Cameron turns to see what Ferris is up to.

CAMERON: You wouldn't dare.

FERRIS: Watch me.

Dirk and Dick crowd Cameron as Devon watches from her seat, aghast.

FERRIS (pathetic): I wanted to live, but you wouldn't let me.

DEVON: Mr. Bueller! No!

Dubious, Cameron holds up his hand to calm her.

FERRIS: I'm getting off this roller-coaster!

CAMERON: (calling Ferris bluff) At what, 10,000 feet? That first step's a doozy.

Ferris flashes a devilish, defiant scowl -- Pulls the EXIT door handle -- INSTANTLY gets sucked from the plane! Air rushes past a horrified Cameron, the Bodyguards, and Devon as they fight the swirling currents.

Here's where Cameron loses it.

CAMERON: NO!!!

EXT. THE SKY ABOVE SAN FRANCISCO - CONTINUOUS

Ferris tumbles toward the CAMERA, stabilizes... nonchalantly withdraws a pair of yellow skydiving goggles from his coat pocket, slips them on, tosses away the offending Blackberry.

With a big grin, he surveys this wild blue yonder like he owns it, then looks into the CAMERA with self-satisfaction, lips waffling in the slip stream.

FERRIS (his speech unaffected): I pulled it off! Think Cam bought it?

INT. BUELLER CORPORATE JET - CONTINUOUS

As Cameron slouches in Ferris’ chair, he rubs the armrests like they were Ferris himself, as Devon comforts him.

CAMERON: I killed Ferris Bueller.

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:09am]

    

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