Sin City? Wait 'til Jacko settles in
Which one of these things hasn't made a home in Las Vegas: Gambling, organized crime, legalized prostitution, year-round Celine Dion shows and Michael Jackson.
Ah, trick question. The correct answer is legalized prostitution, which happens to be illegal in Clark County (where Vegas is), but is legal elsewhere in Nevada.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Wacko Jacko is now the newest resident of Sin City (how appropriate). Reports on the web indicate that Jackson is mulling offers to perform at some of the larger casinos.
No further details are available yet on exact offers, so allow Stuck in the 80s to hypothesize a little:
The resort: Excalibur
The pitch: Given Michael's "attraction" to young children, this family-friendly resort with the King Arthur theme might be an inappropriate match. But maybe if repackaged as "Spend the Knight with Michael," it'd work.
Odds of signing a deal: Better luck at Keno
The resort: Imperial Palace
The pitch: Home to the strip's best celebrity impersonator show, Imperial Palace can send his look-alike to fill in for him on nights when Jacko doesn't want to leave his oxygen cocoon.
Odds of signing a deal: Fortune cookie says "Don't hold your breath."
The resort: The Venetian
The pitch: Already home to the Phantom of the Opera musical, Jackson could just step in, borrow the mask and play the phantom any time he felt like it. No makeup now required for the ghastly expression when the mask is removed.
Odds of signing a deal: Better chance of getting booked at Olive Garden.
The resort: Luxor
The pitch: Jackson wouldn't perform here, but would merely take over the role as the mummifed King Tut in the hotel's Egypt exhibition while recovering from his next bout of surgery.
Odds of signing a deal: I don't care if he once was the King of Pop, the pharaohs would not be pleased.
The resort: Las Vegas Hilton
The pitch: The hotel that once hosted Elvis Presley's big comeback special can now see if lightning strikes twice. Plus, as home to the Star Trek Experience, Jacko's plastic surgery fiascoes will merely have guests thinking he's one of the Klingons.
Odds of signing a deal: Viva, viva Las Vegas. We have a winner.