Songs you don't want to hear at sea
It's the next to the last day for "Stuck at the 80s at Sea" and we're on the homestretch, steaming our way toward the Bahamas and Miami. Aside from the horrific losses at the blackjack table, it's been a great trip. Our favorite bartenders, Hadir and Clive, are amazed at the Jack Daniels drinking skills we Americans display. (One American in particular, I suspect.)
But there is a disturbing trend -- strange tunes played over the intercom that you don't want to hear while taking a cruise. And so we present to you....
Five songs you don't want to hear on a cruise:
5. Theme from St. Elmo's Fire: No, not Man in Motion -- the instrumental theme. Nothing personal. It just makes me want to strangle Andrew McCarthy and Demi Moore -- at the same time if possible.
4. Theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark: Loved the movie, but they pianist who plays this daily is sending me a subliminal message. And I don't want to know what it is.
3. Magic: The upbeat Cars tune came on -- in musak version with the sounds of coyotes barking in the distance -- while I was getting my seaweed wrap today. That's not soothing. Just creepy.
2. Every Breath You Take: The Police's most overplayed song on piano with a 65-year-old crooner singing it? What did I do to deserve this? (And people were slow-dancing to it. Kill me now.)
1. My Heart Will Go On: The love theme from Titanic? Is that appropriate? Is that calming to the passengers? I'm 90 percent sure none of the furniture in our cabin won't float, so Rose and Jack are in real trouble this time.