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Sylvester Stallone turns 66: Ranking his '80s movies from 'Nighthawks' to 'Tango & Cash'

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Sylvester Stallone ("His momma called him Michael Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone! I'm gonna call him Michael Sylvester Gardenzio Stallone!") was born 66 years ago today on July 6, 1946. (That's a lot of 6's there, conspiracy theorists.)

Can we at least agree that his best movies were in the '80s? Okay, can we agree some of his worst movies in the '80s? See, this country *can* come together after all.

Sadly, his two best Rocky movies came before the '80s. And my favorite campy Sly flick, Demolition Man, came in during his otherwise dreadful time in the '90s. Happy birthday, Sly.

STALLONE IN THE '80s: No. 1 to No. 13

13. Rhinestone (1984): If there was a No. 313 on the list, this movie might occupy that spot.

12. Staying Alive (1983): Fares better than Rhinestone even though Stallone only shows up to get bumped on the street by Travolta.

11. Cobra (1986): Please punch the screenwriter who made the Cobretti-Cobra connection.

10. Lock Up (1989): Contrary to popular belief, this is not the prequel to Tango & Cash.

9. Rambo III (1988): "Rambo, are you still making sequels? Company leader to Raven! Rambo! Acknowledge!"

8. Over the Top (1987): Too much sweating. But I'm a sucker for Kenny Loggins' power ballad Meet Me Halfway.

7. Tango & Cash (1989): Sure, it's campy as hell. But we're running out of room toward the bottom of the list!

6. Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985): One sequel only, Sly.

5. Rocky IV (1985): Actually, I turned it off at the start of the fight scene between Apollo and Drago. But I'm sure everything worked out fine.

4. Victory (1981): Combining the two great pastimes of prisoners of war and soccer.

3. Rocky III (1982): I can still hear Rocky howling in pain after Micky dies. It haunts my dreams. So does the robot that Paulie gets for Christmas.

2. Nighthawks (1981): Remember when you liked to watch cop movies? Yep, this was the last time.

1. First Blood (1982): So good, they didn't need to use "Rambo" in the title. Not bad for a movie that starts with "Can you tell me if Delmar Berry lives here?"

 

[Last modified: Friday, July 6, 2012 5:38pm]

    

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