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These movies are all foam and backwash: Worst 80 movies of the 80s (Nos. 51-60)

9

September

Harryson A couple of obscure but dreaded films grace today's installment of the Worst 80 movies of the 80s. Consider yourself lucky if you weren't forced to watch "Harry & Son" as your sole source of entertainment on a bumpy transatlantic flight two decades ago.

Today's losers: The people at the airlines who choose in-flight movies. (My mental scars run deep.) Also, Hollywood's older stars, who litter today's list like crushed, empty cans of Schlitz in a Delta Airlines lavatory.

(Click to see movies 61-70 and 71-80.)

60. Masters of the Universe (1987): Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella. Tagline: "Only the universe could hold adventure this big!" One critic said: "Little kids at play have come up with craftier plots, better characterization and conceivably more spectacular effects -- provided their mothers let them play with matches."

59. Harry & Son (1984): Paul Newman, Paul Newman. Tagline: "They're two men with nothing in common. They're father and son." One critic said: "This movie looks like the aftermath of an explosion in the story department."

58. Blue City (1986): Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy. Tagline: "It's below Miami and above the law." One critic said: "This movie set out to leave a dead 90 minutes in my memory, and it succeeded. "

Homereddie 57. Homer and Eddie (1989): James Belushi, Whoopi Goldberg. Tagline: "She's ruthless - He's witless." And ... "From the director of Tango And Cash." One critic said: "Probably more unpleasant couplings are imaginable, but none springs immediately to mind."

56. Inchon (1981): Laurence Olivier, Jacqueline Bisset. Tagline: "War Changes Everything." One critic said: "A misfire of epic proportions, one of those cinematic rarities where absolutely EVERYTHING is bad."

55. Wicked Stepmother (1989): Bette Davis, Barbara Carrera. Tagline: "Which witch is which?" One critic said: "So catastrophically bad that it would be foolish to imply that something serious is going on underneath its campy surface."

54. Megaforce (1982): Barry Bostwick, Michael Beck. Tagline: "There has never been a superhero like ACE HUNTER!" One critic said: "Turn off every logic circuit in your brain and just watch this for the sheer spectacle ... Mind you, a shiny rock can occupy me for hours."

Beef 53. Take This Job and Shove It (1981): Robert Hays, Art Carney. Tagline: None found. One critic said: "Witless film that doesn't live up to its title about tensions between labor and management."

52. Like Father, Like Son (1987): Dudley Moore, Kirk Cameron. Tagline: "Chris and his dad have accidentally changed bodies - but no big deal." One critic said: "This plays less like a movie than like a penalty for the losers on a game show."

Yahoo 51. Young Einstein (1988): Yahoo Serious, Odile Le Clezio. Tagline: "In 1905 he discovered relativity... In 1906 he invented rock and roll." One critic said: "It's an ugly question but someone's gotta ask: Did Crocodile Dundee and Pee-wee Herman have a child? If not, then who's this Yahoo Serious kid with the Aussie accent?"

Sneak preview of tomorrow's list: More Swazye and Travolta and a very early look at Adam Sandler.

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:19pm]

    

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