Tom Cruise is fired. Now what?

23

August

Tom Cruise's career has officially jumped the couch. Paramount Pictures has decided to end its longtime relationship with Cruise's production company after the star's recent bizarre behavior. We're shocked ... SHOCKED!

And very, very happy. Hollywood -- I almost love you again. And since you seem open to suggestion, here are a couple more...

Top 5 Ways to Fix The Movie Industry:

Harrisonfordap5. Sever your ties with some more overrated phonies -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Hayden Christensen, Harrison Ford, Nicole Kidman and Keanu Reeves.

Kazaam4. No more musicians or athletes in leading roles in any more movies. Call this the Madonna/Shaquille O'Neal Rule.

3. We've had enough movies about cops, fire-fighters, lawyers and dance schools. New rule: Anyone pitching a movie about one of those topics is locked in a closet with a rabid wolverine. After an hour, if they still want to pitch it, let's talk.

Elmo2. Bring back the entire cast of St. Elmo's Fire for a sequel -- with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and Demi Moore. (Have the screenwriters write a side-plot in which they were both eaten by grizzly bears 5 years ago.)

Cusack1. Find the writer of a successful blog about the 80s, and offer this deserving person a seven-figure deal to write a touching yet hilarious movie about his 20-year class reunion. Budget enough money to lure John Cusack for the lead role. Bring back John Hughes to direct and choose the music - with the stipulation that the movie can't have his stereotypical and improbable happy ending. Because no class reunion has a happy ending. Sit back and rake in the cash.

[Last modified: Wednesday, June 9, 2010 2:19pm]

Join the discussion: Click to view comments, add yours

Loading...