You can spend Halloween night going out, trolling for candy and toilet-papering Sean Daly's house. Or you can do what I do. Stay home, pour a tall glass of amber-colored refreshment and queue up a truly awful horror movie.

Oh, you thought I'd say "good" horror movie? Truth be told, I don't like scary movies at all, unless there's a chance I can scam the Vegas Girlfriend into jumping into my lap during the tenser moments. Rather, I prefer schlock cinema on nights like this.

WORST 5 HORROR MOVIES OF THE '80s:

5. MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986): Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle. "Buy cheap and sell dear. It's the American way."

4. MANIAC (1980): Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro. "I told you not to go out tonight didn't I? Every time you go out this kind of thing happens."

3. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984): Lilyan Chauvin, Gilmer McCormick. ''Mommy, you shouldn't have said that. It's naughty to say bad things about old people. Santa Claus will punish you!''

2. APRIL FOOL'S DAY (1986): Jay Baker, Deborah Foreman. "It's gotta be better than nice. It's gotta be bloody unforgettable."

1. MOTEL HELL (1980): Rory Calhoun, Paul Linke. "It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters."

[Photo from Motel Hell]