You're in a world of hurt: 'Predators' reboot is awful
A reboot of Predators is about to hit movie screens on Friday. And all I can say after reading a review is: Where are Arnold, Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura when America needs them most?
It really shouldn't come as a surprise that yet another '80s remake fell short. But what's particularly sad is that this one actually starred an Oscar winner, Adrien Brody, who seems to be sabotaging his career with action flicks just like Nic Cage did after winning his trophy for Leaving Las Vegas.
Times film critic Steve Persall is particularly vicious -- and funny -- in his Predators review.
"Predators may satisfy the bloodlust of fanboys who haven’t had much lately to drool about," Persall writes. "It is a shade better than the Alien vs. Predator flicks that should have laid these creatures to rest, but that isn’t saying much."
Keep going, Persall. Tell us how you really feel.
"I’m sorry to report that the meanest-looking man in movies, Danny Trejo, is first to go toes up. That isn’t much of a spoiler; nobody signs on for movies like this expecting to see the fadeout."
Okay, so does that mean I should spend this weekend watching my DVD of Hot Tub Time Machine again instead?
TOP 5 MEMORABLE LINES FROM 1987's PREDATOR:
5. "You're one... ugly motherf-----!"
4. "Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick."
3. "Come on in, you f------. Come on in. Ol' Painless is waitin'."
2. "You lose it here, you're in a world of hurt."
1. "If it bleeds, we can kill it."