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Top 10 Top Gun lines to annoy your coworkers on 30th anniversary

Time to buzz the tower, Goose: Top Gun is about to turn 30 years old. Depending on what source you look at, the Tom Cruise classic was released either on May 12, 13 or 16. I’m going with the 16th.

Now, you can mock Top Gun all you want today for the campiness of the film, Goose’s cheesy ‘stache, Maverick’s complete lack of romantic chemistry with Charlie and that entirely unnecessary beach volleyball scene.

But back in 1986, Top Gun was the epitome of everything we wanted and needed in an action film. It had actors in their prime (Val Kilmer! Kelly McGillis! Michael Ironside!) It had an heart-pumping Red Scare plot. And it had booming anthems from a soundtrack that could fueled a thousand Navy jets. Kenny Loggins, you my friend are a Top Gun!

And it had memorable quotes. Deliciously unforgettable quotes. Lines with razor sharp edges that we still deliver today like heat-seeking missiles. And what better targets than your poor, ‘80s-deprived co-workers. I’ve done the work for you. Engage, Maverick! Engage!


10. Swilling down Starbucks on the way in from the parking lot: "I feel the need ... the need for speed." (Or, if you're already caffeinated enough, "Time to kick the tires and light the fires!")

9. When coming in the office door: "Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees."

8. When your boss asks you to do something: "That's a negative, Ghost rider, the pattern is full."

7. When seeing your friend in the restroom: "Hey Goose, you big stud!" (Or, if you're feeling daring, "Great balls of fire!")

6. After that three-craft beer lunch to nobody in particular: "I flew with your old man. VF-51, the Oriskany. You're a lot like he was. Only better... and worse."

5. When passing off an assignment to a subordinate: "If you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dogs--t out of Hong Kong!"

4. On spotting targets at the pub after work: "Too close for missiles, I'm switching to guns."

3. What to tell your wingman at Happy Hour after switching to guns: "Do not fire until fired upon."

2. What you tell yourself when your ATM won't cough up more cash: "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash."

1. And whenever you get the chance: "Take me to bed or lose me forever."


(Gently rewritten from my 2008 blog post on Stuck in the '80s)

[Last modified: Wednesday, May 11, 2016 9:11am]


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