The lovely, yet occasionally cantankerous, Jay Cridlin went out into the field on a dangerous mission: To assay Kentucky Grilled Chicken:

The letters "KGC" don’t quite roll off the tongue like "KFC." That’s the first sign of trouble right there.

The second is the concept itself: Who goes to a restaurant named Kentucky Fried Chicken to order something called Kentucky GRILLED Chicken? What abomination unto the Colonel’s sainted name and rank is this?

But Kentucky Grilled Chicken is what KFC is slinging these days, as a healthier menu alternative. The benefits are right there on the nutritional guide: A fried, extra crispy breast has two and a half times the calories of one that's grilled, with nearly eight times the total fat.

Unfortunately, the slimy, shapeless golden chunks I got for lunch recently were dark meat, and they didn't taste healthier to me. The skin was greasy, even a little sticky, and it slid off the bone in oily clumps. They did manage to retain retain that good ol' signature KFC flavor, if by "KFC flavor," you mean "tastes like you're licking a grease pit." Not once did I feel like I was eating something that was good for me, even compared to chicken that's fried.

I suppose that could be interpreted as a good thing. If the taste is so similar, maybe people won't realize they're eating something that's marginally healthier for them. Maybe, in a way, Kentucky Grilled Chicken is like the fast-food equivalent to methadone -- it's definitely not good for you, but it’ll help wean you off stuff that's much harder.

I give KFC credit for trying something new with their menu. That's always a plus. But on the whole, no, I don't think Kentucky Grilled Chicken quite works. If you never liked KFC to begin with, maybe you'll like this new grilled shabazz, but I doubt it. If I'm not in the mood for fried, I'm still hitting Ya-Ya's or Publix.

But because I am not what the kids call a "hater," I'd like to end on a positive note. If KFC ever ditches Kentucky Grilled Chicken, here are some suggestions for menu items they might launch in its place:

Kentucky Barbecued Chicken
Kentucky Poached Chicken
Kentucky Pan-seared Chicken
Kentucky Panko-crusted Chicken
Kentucky Lemon Pepper Chicken
Kentucky George Foreman Grilled Chicken
Kentucky Jerk Chicken
Kentucky Chicken McNuggets
Col. Tso’s Chicken
Kentucky Fried Cod

Got any other suggestions? Let's hear 'em in the comments.