Just when my day was going so swimmingly, The Man had to bring me down. Alright, she's not a man, but she is an editor. Anne Glover, I curse you for sending me this sorrowful tale.

The New York Post has reported that an explosion last month destroyed the only Slim Jim plant in the U.S. and owner ConAgra doesn't really have a game plan. So, there are panicked SJ devotees who are starting to hoard, building up huge stockpiles of everyone's favorite mechanically-separated-chicken snack. It used to be that the second ingredient was beef lips, which is really quite remarkable if you think about it. Like, why is that part worthy of being singled out, whereas, say, butt just gets a generic "beef" ingredient tag? Really, let's face it, there's jerky all over this land, but just one Slim Jim.