I know all proceeds benefit The Children’s Home, which is a good thing. But dear Mr. Ries, why make our breed of misfits look like bigger ne'er-do-wells than we are? Here's the deal: For Creative Loafing's Holiday Auction, restaurant critic Brian Ries is auctioning off a five-star review. It's tongue firmly in cheek and all (he's never given a five-star review in his tenure with the paper), but even a mock sell-out makes me a little queasy. He says he will "laud the food, decor, service, napkins, even the bathroom" in a review to run Jan. 20. See all the details here. So far the bid is up to $127.34 for the ersatz five-star love.

CL, my love can't be bought (she says in her haughtiest voice). Well, I guess this is more of an editorial lap dance for charity.