Ladies and germs, I present to you the worst thing to assault my eyes in a trillion cold years of tilling soil on this blue-green orb:

Your corneas do not fool you, children. My friend Hilary linked to this Urban Outfitters shirt on Facebook, and I immediately flew into a rage (partially because I'm hungry and this just reminded me that my stomach is eating itself).

I mean, the theory is a fine one. I'm a fan of losing weight by not eating 18 cheeseburgers a day. Have a salad! Take half of your meatballs home in a doggy bag! Try a healthy handful of almonds instead of a straight up cream cheese log! Generally eat less!

But this is different. It's just mean, scary and damaging to all the poor innocent girls who ALREADY feel like Shamu incarnate because their legs don't look like whats-her-nuts on Gossip Girl. Can you imagine? You're walking through the mall, pulling your ill-advised American Eagle shorties out of your wedge and wishing you hadn't cut your bangs, all while sizing up the nearby cookie cafe for sweet refuge from inadequacy. All of a sudden, Waif McKnobbleknees strolls out of Urban Outfitters wearing THIS hanging off her collarbone, glaring at you with her sunken eyes. She might as well wear a sandwich board that says, "HEY, FATTIES! Y'ALL LOOK LIKE HELL! LOLZ!"

Good grief.

Here's a list of alternative phrases one might wear on one's shirt. Please feel free to add yours in the comments.

• Eat Pancakes, They Rock!
• Eat Your Boyfriend's Leftovers While He's Asleep!
• Eat Everything In Moderation Like Oprah Says!
• Eat Celery, As Long As There Is Peanut Butter Involved!
• Eat Trifling Fools Like That Guy Who Dumped You For Lunch!
• Eat That Sandwich From Winghouse Because It's Delicious Even Though Going In There Makes You Feel Less Like A Feminist!
• Eat That Cheese, But Make Sure To Scrape Off The Green Part!
• Eat McDonalds When You Have A Hangover!
• Eat Whatever You Want, This Ain't A Dictatorship!
• Hey Urban Outfitters! Eat...

Ok, this is a family blog. But you can fill in the blank.

Deal Diva Stephanie

Photo: Urban Outfitters screen grab