WARNING.

Reading the following will make you spear yourself through the ever-loving face with a stiletto. Then, you'll rip out your hair and choke yourself into a blue stupor.

The New York Times here supposedly addresses the recession's implications on the fashion world. It asserts that women of a certain age more than ever aspire to make quality purchases worth their money. Sounds good, right?

The writer went shopping with three style guides in New York. Here are some excerpts:

Looking at a $1,400 silk print dress, Brana said with a rueful laugh, “I don’t know anymore if that’s expensive or not.” She decided that it was a good buy, along with a $2,100 metallic leaf-patterned coat at Marc Jacobs and a below-the-knee striped jersey dress with a long, winding sash.

It was easy to put together age-friendly looks that were reasonably kind to the purse. In fact, except for one or two pieces, most of the things we found were under $1,500, and some, like a cute Wayne silk dress, were less than $500.

Ok...

How do I put this...

ARE THEY HIGH?

Are there seriously people who nestled down with their coffee and paper to read this and thought, "Wow, thanks for these great suggestions, NYT! I'll just head to Marc Jacobs now! Forget my power bill! I look sexier when window lit!"

Look, I love fashion, love to follow designers, observe the runway, watch for the brilliance to trickle down into affordable stores. That said, I don't live in a DELUSIONAL FUN BUBBLE where $500 is reasonably kind to my purse. I did not eat so many magic mushrooms as to think I should spend $80 on a T-shirt because it has good stitching. And I have to believe that most of the hard-working people of New York have eschewed this particular brand of hashish as well. Am I right?

Good Grass Gobbling Miss Molly. At this very second, the pants I am wearing are from New York & Company. My shoes, blouse and purse are from Target. My tank top is from H&M (acquired in New York). My earrings are from Kohl's. I bet the whole thing cost less than $100. And guess what, bitches? I don't look like I "still sleep under a Bon Jovi poster," and I also have not had my car repossessed.

Yours in middle class solidarity,

Disgruntled Deal Diva Stephanie

Photo: photos.com